Steady Me.

July 21, 2019

Sometimes the journey that lies ahead looks impossible. That is definitely how I felt this past week when we went and climbed Mount Prisojnik. Standing at the bottom of the mountain and looking up, left a very intimidating impression in my mind. As our intern leader pointed out the path that we would be climbing I was a bit spectacle because from our view point it was difficult to see how someone had made a pathway to climb. And for most the climb it was difficult to see which way was the right direction. There was a lot of unsteadiness and trust involved.

The beginning of the climb started with us clipping into a cable that was built into the side of the mountain and maneuvering across ledges and up sides of the it. We would clip and unclip and clip and unclip until it became second nature to us. As we climbed upward, at certain points, it became about trust in our footing even when the sliver of the mountain that jutted out just enough for barely the side of your foot to fit. There were multiple times where we were not clipped into a cable and we had to free climb or walk up some rocky parts. This left me intimidated with fear of losing my grip and falling hundreds of feet down. I felt unsteady.

But this unsteadiness reminded me of the unsteadiness I feel in life and how I respond to it. It is usually when I feel unsteady in life that I become overwhelm, lose my footing and become scared to take the next step. I lose sight of where I am stepping and I am solely focused on the seemingly impossible obstacles around me and I fear trekking forward into them. In times like these, I also find that there were moments where I ceased seeking Jesus for direction.

Although I wasn’t walking on water I definitely felt similar to Peter when he walked on water and became distracted by fear, losing sight of Jesus.

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it is you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
“Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt me?”
Matthew 14:27-31, NIV

I found myself questioning who I was going to turn towards or what my actions were going to be when things get tough and the pathway is not clear. There were several times where I would walk the wrong direction and our intern leader would stop me and point out the arrows marked on the rocks, pointing out the right direction. I was so focused on what my immediate next step would be and wasn’t paying attention to the fact that I was straying off the path. Sometimes we think it is easy to see the right and the wrong path. But a lot of the time there is uncertainty about which path is the right path because they both look chaotic and unsafe.

But I had to default to trust. Trust that my intern leader was going to point me in the right direction. Trust that the people who had created this path had done their job correctly. Similarly, I had to trust God’s guidance and that he will make a way where there is no way – on this climb where in order to make it from point A to point B I had to push my bodies physical limits and in my day to day life when I feel everything swarming and I cannot make sense of it all.

When we finally made it to the top, 4 hours later, the view was breath taking. The journey to get to this point meant that I had to trust the people I was climbing with because this climb was not something I could have done by myself, nor would I have wanted to do by myself.

This hike, or climb, up the mountain meant a lot of support and encouragement from one another. It meant celebrating each others’ strengths and protecting each others’ weaknesses. Reaching the top with my intern team meant I had people to share in the success with and I could share joy with. There is importance in community and inviting people to do life with you.

The Narrow Path.

June 20, 2019

We all have a daily schedule. Wake up, eat breakfast, get ready for school or work, countdown the hours until it is time to go home, relax by watching t.v./ reading a book/ hanging out with friends, eat dinner, and go to sleep with the next day looking the same.

Now this is definitely a general outline, but you get the idea and can fill in what your daily life looks like. But something we all do is get caught up the busyness of our day to day life. This is something I have found myself guilty of in the past year. I got comfortable being comfortable and ignored what God was calling me to do.

My eyes have been open to a spiritual battle that is being fought every single day. I always knew that there was a spiritual platform that Satan liked to play unfair on and we communicated to God through, but I don’t think I ever took it seriously. Brooke, one of the ladies discipling me this summer, talked about what it meant for her being a part of this spiritual battle and the importance of fighting in it. For her it means protecting the people who do not know Jesus and are blind to the battle. It looks like her standing, clothed with the armor of God, between the enemy and these people.

God has given us the tools, so why not use them? He has assured us of his authority over the enemy. How crazy would it be if we lived our lives as if we believed that?

“Very truly I tell you, a time is coming and has now come when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God and those who hear it will live. For as the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son also to have life in himself. And he has given him authority to judge because he is the Son of Man.”
John 5:25-27, NIV

We were also given authority through Jesus.

“I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.”
Luke 10:19, NIV

After I heard Brooke talking about being a part of the spiritual battle, I was convicted. I wanted to be fighting the battle, but I had taken myself out of it. I had backed down when a deep wound was formed. I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. Instead of letting God heal it properly, I took it out of God’s hands, took it upon myself to bandage up the wound and stepped to the sideline to protect myself. I threw myself into a busy schedule and started to put up walls around my heart to people. I find it easier to put a smile on my face and say everything was okay then be vulnerable about what was really going on, but that quickly became exhausting.

When I stepped to the sideline, I left my defense and left relationships I had with people wide open for the enemy to attack. I allowed the enemy to get the headline instead of finding Jesus in the midst of it all and giving him praise. I let my relationship with God become more private. For some reason, I thought this was going to solve all my problems and make life easier. Let me tell you, being without community and thinking you can do everything on your own is lonely and frustrating. It is a lie from the enemy that is used to isolate yourself so he has an easier target.

The community that has been built in Celje has been overwhelmingly supportive. These people love so deeply and constantly push each other and pray for one another. They protect one another and the people around them. They set an example of what it means to take up your cross daily and follow after Christ, putting on the armor of God.

When I realized the spiritual battle that was going on around me, I felt like cold water had been splashed on me and I finally snapped out of this daze I found myself in. God was clear about who is welcome at his table. (hint: everyone) So why treat my relationship with God so privately? God was perfectly clear that his invitation was an open invite to anyone who wants to accept. Everyone is invited and everyone is worth being fought for.

Dober Dan.

June 10, 2019

For my American readers this is a Slovene greeting that means “Good day!” This is one of the handful of Slovene words that I have learned. I still have a long way to go.

It is crazy to think that I have been in Europe for a week in a half now. Time has flown by so quickly. Adjusting to a new area has been interesting. There was a fighting of exhaustion from being jet legged during the amazing race and now there is an adjustment of being in a new environment. It is weird being in a new place where every conversation you encounter is in a different language and all of the faces are unfamiliar.

This past week has consisted of meeting the rest of the missionaries in Slovenia that we will be working with, in addition to Mary joining us! Yay! So our Celje team is finally complete. This summer all of 4 of us, interns, are living with our missionary family, the Stevens family. They have so graciously welcomed us into their home. The 3 of us girls will be living downstairs in their apartment that is in the basement of their house, while Mitchell will be living upstairs with the family. I love family has embraced us and created a discipling community for the summer as we reach out to the youth of Slovenia.

Every Monday we will be traveling to Ljubljana, which is the capital of Slovenia, for our Intern Day with the rest of our Slovenia team. This is a day of spiritual rest for the week where we are spiritually poured into by our intern leader, Matt, and his family. Today was the first Intern Day which was refreshing and familiar to do in the midst of all of the new activity we have been introduced too.

By the end of the summer we will have read through the entirety of the New Testament, which means a lot of reading each week. This past week and half we read through Matthew and Mark. As we read through we were encouraged to underline/highlight parts of the Bible that stood out to us and spoke to us differently.

“Then some of the Pharisees and teachers of the law said to him, “Teacher, we want to see a sign from you.” He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah. For as Jonah was three day and three nights in the belly of a huge fish, so the Son of Man will be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.”
Matthew 12:38-40, NIV

I did not remember reading about the Sign of Jonah until I saw it reappear in Matthew chapter 16 when the people were still demanding signs from Jesus. Reading these chapters in a short span of time helped me to see this repetition and want to dig a bit deeper into what the Sign of Jonah was exactly. If you are familiar with the story of Jonah you know that he turned away from what God was calling him to do and even through a stubborn and reluctant heart of a prophet, God was able to use that move in the hearts of the people of Nineveh.

At first I was confused why there was a comparison of Jonah and Jesus. It did not make a lot sense to me. One is answering God’s call while the other one ignored it. But it all comes down to the circumstance that each individual is placed in. Jonah continually ignored God until he found himself in an impossible and absurd situation. He did not believe God could do what he said he was going to do with the people of Nineveh – he was scared. In the same way, the people that Jesus interacts with resemble the little faith that Jonah had. They will only believe that Jesus is who he says he is if he performs just one more miracle. Their belief has conditions. Even though Jesus has been walking around healing one person after another. The people are asking for a sign but were blind to the one happening right in front of their faces.

This was eye opening for me and the way in which I demand a sign from God before I choose to follow through. It is almost as if I challenge God to prove himself to me. I feel as if this is how a lot of us treat God. We want to be ensured for the future instead of trusting in the faithfulness we have seen in his Word. Which is definitely easier said than done.

This passage reminded me to continually be all in for Christ and trust his Word. There are so many times that we are discouraged because it is taking too long or we overlook the miracle performed because it is not what we expected. We start to lose faith. Jesus came to share the good news and did so every moment of his life on earth, but not everyone understood. It took time for people to grasp that Jesus was the Son of Man. As we are all familiar with, people did not start believing until after he had been crucified and even then people were trying to cover up the fact that Jesus had stayed true to what was prophesied.

The people of Slovenia need to hear the good news. And even when there is little faith, we are reassured that even the faith of a mustard seed will make mountains move. So as I am challenged with creating intentional relationships with youth who do not know Jesus and what he has done, I challenge you to invest in someone who is not familiar with the good news or someone who is new to the faith and is in need of discipling. Yeah it is scary to be open and vulnerable, but saying yes to Jesus opens doors to paths you cannot see yet. Your story and the way you have been impacted is more relatable than you realize. You never want to underestimate God because he will use you even when you are moving in the wrong direction.

Take Flight.

June 1, 2019

After traveling all day we finally landed in Prague in the Czech Republic with a couple of hours to spare before we started the Amazing Race. The first day of the race was physically exhausting. One of the first challenges we encountered was moving a kilo of gummy bears, which is roughly 400 individual gummy bears, from our bucket to color coded buckets in the middle of a field using only our mouths. Most teams had about 5 or 6 people on a team, but our Slovenia team from Abilene only had 3 people. It took our team about an hour and a half to complete this challenge, resulting in each of us sprinting about 1.8 miles each. Let me tell you that after this challenges I could no longer feel my legs and we still had more challenges to complete that day. I thought my legs were going to fall off. For the rest or the day we were able to team up with the other Slovenia team and complete the challenges together, which was pretty cool to get to know the other half of the people I would be serving with this summer!

The second day of the race started out with us running Prague hopping between using the tram and the metro system. We had to complete a bingo card by going to different tram and bus stops and taking selfies with the stops, which took us about 2 hours to travel between 5 different stops. The last challenge we had to complete in Prague was sewing together a doll and clothes for the doll to wear so we could mail it to UNICEF. Just when we were getting comfortable navigating through an unknown city, we had to find our way to the train station and navigate buying tickets to Brno and finding the right platform our train was leaving. Arriving in a new city meant asking new people for new directions to new places and walking up and down A LOT of hills. But now I can say I have seen a castle – the Spilberk Castle – in real life and fulfill that childhood dream. After the business of everything, our final challenge of the day ended up being an hour of prayer. Which was a total change of pace from how the day had been going. As weird as it may have felt to be going a 100 mph to stopping all of sudden, it was nice to sit, breath, and regroup with my team in the presence of God. This hour allowed for an appreciation of everything God was doing in all areas of the earth and in everybody’s life. Also, to give God praise for who he is and the ways in which he has blessed us. Realizing that sometimes God’s blessings come in the eleventh hour and in the small moments. It was also a neat way to grow with Mitchell and Sarah and bond with them on a spiritual level. It is one thing to know people when they put a “mask” on for the day and it is another thing to be vulnerable with someone and take that “mask” off. I have noticed that so many times we only connect with people on a surface level and our relationship with Christ remains on private. But there is a new connection made when you open up and allow God to be the focus and direct the conversation.

The last day of the race was the final stretch. With each new clue given with a new destination, we would hobble our way trying to find people who would give us confirmation that we were heading in the right direction. One challenge took us out of the city to learn the camp dance we will be teaching youth’s this summer, just to bring us right back to the Spilberk Castle where we learned how to play a French game called Pentanque. Which I have to say was quite fun. The twist to it was if your team lost to the pervious team you had to stay at this location until another team showed up to play you. The only way to move forward was to win the game. It did not take us long to get the hang of it. Knowing that the race was coming to an end meant that we would be changing cities again. Arriving at the train station we found out that we had 5 minutes to board the train before it left the station, which meant making a mad dash for the platform and praying to God that we made it onto the right train. Traveling to the first train stop we were told by a kind stranger that we were in fact not on the right train and would have to switch at the next stop. Getting off with confusion we asked one of the crew members on the train and was told that the train we needed to be on was on the platform across from us, which just so happen to be getting ready to leave the station. So, yet again, we ran as fast as we could down the flight of stairs and up another flight of stairs that would bring us up to the opposite platform. Finally boarding the right train we were able to sit and relax for a bit as we settled in our the 4 hour train ride. Arriving at our final destination meant we only had a little bit left of the race. Once we had the finish line in sight we, both Slovenia teams, crossed together with huge smiles on our face and taking 5th place out of 26 teams.

As challenging as this experience may have been, whether physically, spiritually, or mentally, there was always someone cheering me on or encouraging me. This race taught me to rely on my teammates, check multiple times that you were given the right directions, a smile on your face can go a long way, and so much more. Our intern leader, Matt Mormance, at the being of the race introduced the way in which we would run the race. In Christ we would, celebrate each other’s strengths, protect each other’s weakness, be thankful no matter the circumstances, and communicate. At the end of the day it felt like a movie. We all celebrated conquering the Amazing Race, treating ourselves to a big dinner. Then we drove up part of a hill to watch the sun set and we were amazed at God’s beauty. As we sat there, we ate ice cream and made each other laugh. Nothing is better than going to bed with a smile on your face.

I am going to kill Mitchell.

May 28, 2019

Mitchell and I have been together since 7:30 a.m. It is now 5:41 p.m. in Philadelphia and we have met up with the rest of our Slovenian team for our flight to Prague. Our internship has not started yet and in the span of this time, I have found out that Mitchell’s favorite book series is Pendragon from when he was 13 and he recently reread it last year, at the age of 20. I have had the privilege of hearing this story so many times that when we would meet someone new I was able to recite the story myself. He has managed to purposefully spill water on me because it was funny. And talk not only my ear off, but the rest of the Slovenia team’s ear off. There has not been a dull moment with this dude. Good thing I have been friends with him for the past 2 years.

In all sincerity I love Mitchell and he has made this long day of travel enjoyable and filled with laughter. I am so excited to serve with him and Sarah this summer. As it gets closer to our flight departing we are meeting more and more Josiah Venture interns and the anticipation for the summer festivities to start are at an all time high. I have loved getting to talk to the people I will be serving with and getting to know them better and seeing them beam with excitement for what the summer holds.

In the picture from left to right: Hannah, Sarah, Maggie, & Mitchell

Please pray for safe travels these next couple of days as we compete in our Amazing Race and begin intern training! Also, please keep the family and friends of Lance Bleakney in your prayers in light of his passing.

Go.

May 16, 2019

And so the countdown begins. There are 12 days until I will be leaving for Slovenia with my teammates. I am so excited to announce that I have reached my fundraising goal for Slovenia. Thank you to everyone who helped me reach this goal, I am so grateful!

Through the fundraising process I learned a lot about trusting in God’s timing and not my timing. I also got to witness how faithful he is when you have nothing to do but trust him. It definitely was not an easy lesson to learn but it was one that forced me to grow and let go of always needing control. I was nervous throughout this process because if I did not raise all of the funds then I would not be able to go. I started to question if this was really the path God had paved for me. But I continually had to push past the doubt that was being planted in my head by the enemy and be all in for God’s plan. It is so rewarding being on the other side.

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
Acts 1:8 NIV

Just a matter of weeks before I leave, my college group started to do a series over Acts and following God’s calling. A lot of the time we pray for God to give us opportunities. God gives us those opportunities but we fail to recognize them. We hope that we will have a flashing billboard pointing us in the right direction. Or sometimes we recognize that the opportunity has been presented to us but we refuse to act upon it because we are too afraid. There have been so many times that I have sat back and not acted because I was scared of what other people would think. But the times I did take advantage of the opportunities I had prayed for proved to be perfectly timed – God’s timing.

Before I made the decision to intern with WorldWide Witness I found myself being held back because of the expenses. As I continued to pray to God I kept hearing him tell me to “Go.” I realized that all was holding me back was the fact that it would be a costly expense. I thought, how sad would it be if I said no to an opportunity because of money? As a current college student, money is something that I do not have a lot of but why should that be the ultimate factor? How little did I think my God was? I had been told time and time again how big and awesome God was but my actions were not reflecting that.If I believe God to be as powerful as he is, then I knew for a fact that no earthly or human intervention would prevent God from providing. I figured that it was time to act upon how faithful I believed God to be, and so I took the leap of faith.

One mountain has been conquered and I am ready for the next one. I am ready for the new relationships I am going to build. It’s crazy to think that I will shortly be surrounded by people that I haven’t even met yet, but will have a huge impact on my life. I am ready for God to use my as a vessel to help build his Kingdom.

As my pastor has challenged, are you going to push continue, or exit? Are you going to push those overwhelming doubts aside or throw in the towel because the odds seem stacked against you? It seems like you have a decision to make.

Smile More.

April 25, 2019

For the past couple of months we have been practicing spiritual disciplines in our WorldWide Witness class to help prepare us for what we may encounter this summer. This past week I had to put into practice gratitude and speaking words of encouragement and positivity. I was challenged with replacing negative tendencies with thankfulness. I did not realize how much of a struggle this was going to be until I realized how overwhelmed I had become with stress. I was getting caught up in feeling sorry for myself and the busy schedule I had inflicted upon myself. I found myself constantly ranting and venting about every little thing that irritated me or I found to be an inconvenience. My views of life had become very narrow minded and all I could focus on was my life and struggles. I failed to recognize what was going on around me, especially in the lives of my friends. For those of you who do not know me, I am a type 2 on the Enneagram test. I pride myself on being a people person and will go above and beyond for the people I care about. So, the fact that I had become so worn out made it hard for me to feel like myself and enjoy life. I had put myself in circumstances that were draining me quicker than they were filling me up.

This past week served as a reminder that I have control over my attitude and reaction to given circumstances. The constant nagging of negativity adds a gloom to the atmosphere. It brings no joy and more often than not it would leave me feeling miserable. This week of gratitude forced to look at situations in a different light. In order to do this, I enlisted the help of my friend Katie. This girl is always a beaming ray of positivity and I knew if anyone could hold me accountable to this, it was going to be her. I asked her to hold me accountable towards showing gratitude for the things in my life instead of complaining. This meant that there would be a time and place to voice my frustrations, but after that I was to leave it alone and not allow it to consume my thoughts. It had become so easy to have a negative mindset and find a problem with every little thing. Our thoughts run rampant continuously and it is something that we need to be aware of because our thoughts start to dictate our actions.

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:8-9 NIV

During this week I reflected on the difference between joy and happiness. My state of being had become so dependent on current circumstances, so my moments of happiness were fleeting. I had stopped turning towards God to allow my cup to be filled up. I had become so overwhelmed that I was turning to friends and materialistic things that were as selfish and self serving as I was to have my cup filled. I was expecting to have my cup filled up by these temporary things that I had forgotten how fulfilling and lasting God is. As much as I wanted to latch onto these moments of happiness, I knew I would not be able to because I was not seeking God in them. As cliche as it may sound, God was the only way that I was going to constantly have joy even when I was under pressure. There are always going to be things happening in our life that we are not in favor of, but it is the pursuit of God that keeps me steady. I want people to be able to see God moving in my life even when it seems like the world is pressing on, but I cannot expect that to happen when I have a negative mindset. I want people to see me smile despite my circumstances and question what is bringing me so much joy. Finding joy means smiling and appreciating what is in front of you, because I can guarantee that it is not there by mistake.

Challenge:

1. Even when it is a gloomy day, make a list of 3 things you are sincerely grateful for in your life. Whether it is a friend, the extra hour of sleep you got, or you passed a hard test. Whatever it is I want to encourage you to see the light in the moments that seem overcome with darkness.

2. Pick someone to encourage with your words. Don’t just compliment them and comment on their external appearance, but comment on their character and impact they have on you. If you know someone is struggling with something reach out and let them know they are not alone. Motivate them to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

If you are interested in learning more about the enneagram test or you are curious as to what type you are, you can find out more at this website: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/

The Eleventh Hour.

April 4, 2019

Through the process of preparing for this trip, I have learned more about what it looks like to have faith and trust in God’s timing. In the midst of a busy college schedule it has been difficult to take moments to simply breath. But God has revealed moments where I need to take advantage of my free time and find rest in him. I need to take moments to breath instead of worrying about circumstances where timing is out of my control.

I repeatedly remind myself of 1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” This has served as a reassuring reminder where God has called me not to have a spirit of worry and stress but a spirit of joy and peace; relying on my support system, instead of struggling by myself.

Having faith in God that he will provide is easier said than done. As the date for departure grows closer and closer, I feel the enemy creeping in and placing doubt where it does not belong, convincing me that I must be doing something wrong because I am sometimes not where I want to be in preparation for this internship, or in my growing spiritual life. When I start to question the fundraising for the trip and if I am truly following God’s plan, he shows up with little unexpected moments. He, every so often, throws bird seeds down on the path I’m tracking, saying, “Keep trusting. I am not done yet.” As much as I may want everything to be done right then, there is a bigger picture being completed, which means God showing up in what feels like the eleventh hour.